One day, someone reached out to me and asked for prayer, because they were struggling with serious health challenges. I was ready to pray, believing we were in agreement concerning their healing. As I began to pray, something unusual happened. The Holy Spirit kept interrupting me. Over and over, He kept saying, "This person does not want to be healed." I had never experienced anything like that before. Honestly, I struggled with what I was hearing. Surely that couldn't be right and surely I was hearing wrong. Who wouldn't want to be healed? Who would willingly choose to continue suffering?
I tried to push through and continue praying, but the impression remained strong. Finally, I paused and asked the Holy Spirit for understanding. Again, I heard, "This person does not want to be healed." Confused, I asked, "Why would someone not want to be healed?" The Holy Spirit responded, "Their livelihood is tied to their illness." Still a bit confused, I asked the Holy Spirit to explain. Suddenly, everything became clear. This individual was receiving disability income, because of their condition. They believe that complete healing would create a different problem in their life. If they recovered fully, they feared losing the income that they need. They found themselves caught between two painful realities: continuing to live with debilitating pain or risking financial security.
I had never considered that perspective before. The Holy Spirit was willing to heal them, but they were not fully willing to face the reality of what might happen if they were completely healed. As I sat there processing what had just happened, my mind immediately went to the story of the man at the Pool of Bethesda. In John 5, Jesus encounters a man who had been paralyzed for thirty-eight years. The man was lying near a pool where many gathered in hopes of receiving miraculous healing. Yet, before Jesus healed him, He asked a question that seems almost unnecessary:
"Do you want to be made well?" (John 5:6)
At first glance, the answer to the question seem obvious. Why else would a paralyzed man be sitting by a pool known for healing? However, Jesus understood something I am just now learning. He was not simply asking the man at Bethesda if he wanted relief. Instead, He was asking if he was willing to embrace an entirely different life.
Since that experience, the Holy Spirit has taught me to discern what I call a Holy Desperation in people who genuinely are ready right here, right now to be made whole. There is a hunger, a willingness, and a readiness that accompanies faith. They are not simply asking God to remove pain; they are willing to embrace the complete transformation that healing brings. Holy desperation is born when we become more hungry for God's will than we are attached to our current condition.
Even with this knowledge and understanding, I have also witnessed the compassion of God toward those who are not quite ready to be made whole. Even when complete healing is not immediately embraced, God often meets them with mercy, comfort, strength, and sweet relief in the midst of their struggle.
This experience taught me some valuable lessons:
- There is a difference between wanting relief and wanting wholeness. I.e. Relief says, "Take away the pain.", but wholeness says, "Lord, do whatever is necessary to make me whole." Relief focuses on circumstances, but wholeness focuses on total transformation.
- Sometimes our greatest obstacle is not the problem itself, but what the problem has come to provide. An injury may provide financial increase. A wound may provide sympathy. Fear may provide an excuse to stay where we are. Bitterness and unforgiveness may provide a sense of justification. A chronic sickness diagnosis may provide a source of financial security. A stronghold may provide a false sense of comfort. None of these things are God's best for us, but if we are not careful, we can begin to cling to what our struggle provides rather than trust God for what freedom requires.
- Sometimes people can become so accustomed to their condition, their limitations, their coping mechanisms or even the benefits attached to their struggle that true wholeness or complete healing becomes more complicated than it appears. I.e. Healing often requires change. Wholeness often requires surrender. Freedom often requires letting go of what has become familiar.
- The question is not always whether God is willing to heal. Sometimes the deeper question is the one Jesus asked at Bethesda: "Do you want to be made whole?" It is a question that reaches beyond physical healing and touches every area of our lives. Sometimes we pray for change while secretly holding on to the very things God is asking us to surrender.
As I reflect on this experience, I realized that the question Jesus asked is one we must answer.
- Do I want to be free?
- Do I want to be restored?
- Do I want to be transformed?
- Do I really want to be whole?
- Do I really want freedom more than familiarity?
- Do I really want transformation more than comfort?
- Do I really want God's will more than the security of my current situation?
...because sometimes the very thing we've been praying for requires us to release the very thing we've learned to depend on.
Let's Pray:
Holy Spirit, search my heart and reveal anything I am holding on to that is preventing me from walking in the fullness of Your healing, freedom, and purpose. Give me the courage to surrender every false security and every attachment to my old condition. Create within me a holy desperation for Your will above all else. Help me to answer Your question honestly and wholeheartedly with a resounding "Yes, Lord, I want to be made whole." In Jesus Name. Amen.